Tag: Pesach

Pesach and Sin Crackers

When someone asks why we do physical cleaning of leaven for Pesach when we are also experiencing something spiritual, I tell them the physical can be used to show us the spiritual. For example, this happened to me years ago.

I had cleaned for a month with little kids. There are no “safe places” when you have little kids because they go all over the house tracking things. So I had cleaned everything imaginable. I mean I had done AAALLLLLL the cleaning. And it’s four or five days into the feast of matzah and I suddenly found a sleeve of crackers in some obscure cabinet – and I had no idea how it got there, what it was even used for when I bought it, and to find it now in this random location was shocking. My insides were yelling “oh no! That can’t be here!” And then the spiritual truth hit me square in the face as I saw what leaven really meant spiritually. I internalized that this is exactly how those little seemingly unimportant sins affect me. They mess up my whole “clean” house bc they are hiding, lurking in the random corners of my heart with no day to day purpose, no focus from me in every day life, but they would come out when given the opportunity. So I looked a little deeper than I did the day before bc these very physical crackers highlighted a very spiritual issue I might have overlooked.

It’s Adar!

Tu B’Shevat was such fun! We had our first seder filled with fruits, nuts, and laughter. We planted some small items the younger children could handle on their own the next morning. We also sprouted beans in a bag so the little ones could see the growth that typically happens in the ground.

Watching plants grow has made me think of how we are growing. When we first picked up a siddur, it was uncomfortable and confusing. “Read this today, but not this, unless it happens to be this day.” That’s obviously not verbatim, but it’s how it felt. I spent more time trying to figure out which thing to pray than I did praying some days. It was an internal struggle to keep a schedule that was unfulfilling in the beginning, but the desire to meet with the Creator on a regular basis pushed me.

In time it started to make sense. Like the beans, my outer shell was softening, my roots were starting to spread, and the blessings and prayers began to feed my soul. Sparks of life began to sprout inside me as I began to look forward to opening my eyes with Modeh Ani each morning, washing my hands ritually, and making time for Shakharit each day. The outer changes weren’t visible as much as were the changes I could feel. I was ready to begin having the children join me more often.

As I started teaching them the siddur and leading them in Shakharit, I felt myself unfolding, growing strong towards the light like the unfolding leaves of the beans in our windowsill. The beans no longer looked like beans. Instead, they have been replaced with widely spreading roots and tall leaves that threaten to outgrow the bags in which they were contained. I could feel their excitement! While teaching the basic siddur to my children, I began wondering what to grow into next for myself. Torah has come to life for me even more than in the past. And this most recent Rosh Chodesh, I was so excited by the verses, the hallel, the very renewal of another month I get to walk with Hashem.

In less than two weeks we will read the megillah of Esther and rejoice in the memory of our people not being eliminated by an evil ruler. We’ll have a costume party for fun with lots of noisy groggers! We’ll try our hand at making hamantaschen even if I’m not the best at baking. We’ll rejoice in the protection of our Elohim.

We will spend the next few weeks deep cleaning in preparation for Pesach, making sure to remove the hametz from the house at the same time we take stock of what we need to remove from our hearts and lives. Our roots will continue to dig deeper and our leaves will continue to reach higher, and the spark within our hearts will burn ever brighter as we Usher in light of Hashem.